the Empathy List #126: Giving Up the Need to Be Right

Why does it feel impossible to disagree and stay friends? (Plus: how my work as a birth doula taught me to give up "my way.")

Hello friend, Liz here.

When’s the last time you disagreed with someone? In person? And proceeded to have a calm conversation in which you both expressed your viewpoints and both felt heard? And then stayed friends afterwards?

I realize the enormity of each of those questions because, yes, I too waste time on social media, where arguments abound… ;-)

I have spent a lot of time puzzling about these questions over the past few years—not only because of the insanity of American politics (holy hell), but also because I have lived through many church disagreements, Bible disagreements, schooling disagreements, and even fashion disagreements with my almost 12-y-o daughter (in which I ask her to wear ANY OTHER piece of clothing besides clothes dedicated to working out and/or trimming the lawn… This is my way of announcing that we’ve entered the pre-teen years).

And this question came up again after my last essay exploring how to love our fat neighbors. My friend and colleague,

Sarah M. White

, asked me to expo…