Curious Reads: When the word "mother" no longer fits
For those in mourning on Mother's Day
Hello friend, Liz here.
#1 Today’s top of the fold story is Mother’s day—specifically, an essay I wrote for the Christian Century reflecting on my work as a birth doula and on child loss.
“We need a word for mothers whose children have died” by Liz Charlotte Grant
I am a mother who is estranged from her mother. So, I have a zillion confusing feelings about Mother’s Day. The expectations of the day can feel crushing when you grow up in a dysfunctional household. After having my own two children, I felt the tug familiar many moms feel of wanting to be celebrated, to have the day be about ME MYSELF AND I, to make the day into the one day of the year when I would be adequately “recognized.”
But that doesn’t work either, does it? Laying on thick expectations for our children (or partners!) leads nowhere good, whatever generation you come from.
Instead, Mother’s day has become a time in which I’ve chosen to reflect on my experience of motherhood and to remember the looong days when I became a mother.
I tell the story of my kids births to them (sorry, not sorry), and I tell them explicitly how much it means to me that I get to be their mom. Making the day into a celebration of the process of motherhood and of these sweet humans in my life has become intensely meaningful. The day itself has become a sacrament of remembrance, an ebenezer, a chance to celebrate the person I’ve become through having children.
Today, however, I want to point you to an essay I wrote that examines the grief of losing children—to miscarriage, infertility, or to other causes later in their lives.
I know this day is heavy for many of us. And I want to tell you that YOU matter on Mother’s Day, too. Whether you have children or not, whether you have experienced biological childbirth or not, whatever your reproduction history, you are beloved. You are seen. And you are not alone.
If grief is your experience of Mother’s Day, then go gently this Sunday. And remember that, in the Scriptures, God blesses and favors the grieving. Those who are crushed in spirit are called friends of God.
Much love to you.
Thanks for reading. Warmly, Liz Charlotte Grant
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