I read your article a few months ago, it was the first I had heard of the abuse she experienced at the hands of her third husband. I also didn't know the unsavory bits of her second husband's character. So I then read both Austen and Vaughn's biographies... the whole thing really pisses me off. As a gen x Christian woman who was raised to revere Elliot, I feel so deceived.
I hate it, too. I hate that Elliot participated in the duplicity, and I hate that the people around her WHO KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING allowed her to be abused like that. I totally agree and rage with you.
So glad this popped up in my feed! I have found much inspiration in Elliot’s story, but read some of her other books and was troubled. As a PW in a conservative but not evangelical denomination, my own marriage is closer to egalitarian, but we’ve both adopted complementarian language over the years, and I’ve been struggling to deconstruct that. I look forward to reading her novel (hooray for a move to the Bible Belt that means my library has multiple copies!) and these biographies.
Elisabeth been my spiritual mentor for 50 years and I continue to listen to her podcast before and after reading her biographies. I am a realist and have read both of Vaughn’s books with eyes wide open. I, too, was sickened by what Lars became, what he did to her, and sadly what he did to himself.
Lars was a classic narcissist. And I leave it there. It answers so very, very much.
Elisabeth loved being married and felt that he was the only option in life. This is one of the first, if not only times, that she followed her own heart and missed her own message of waiting for God’s leading.
But alas, you or I knew or know her heart. But God did. He allowed this suffering. After listening to her own words, Elisabeth knew she got herself into this mess and because of her own teaching of faithfulness and loyalty and acceptance, she stuck out the impossible honestly believing that her testimony (1 Peter 3) would win out in the long run. And it did as Lars accepted Christ as his savior after Elisabeth died.
She knew shortly after their wedding she made a mistake … she married an unsaved man. But she was tenacious in the belief of God’s promise that her chaste witness would win him … and ultimately it did.
Let us not look at this sad story for proof of feminism and that all men are of the devil. There are millions of men and women and marriages that are utterly amazing and hard fought for. 95% of all of Elisabeth’s friends had such marriages—so don’t go blaming men.
Elisabeth accomplished something you personally could not. She stuck by her God, His Word, Passion and Purity and remained faithful.
And Jesus met her with arms wide opened and rejoiced, “Well done, my good and faithful Sister.”
Now Lars will have to come into Jesus’ same presence with all the knowledge of what he did to one of Jesus’ most beloved servants.
Right now, Elisabeth has no regrets! None! Let us not judge from this side of heaven. We make very bad judges of someone else’s intentions.
Let God do His perfect work. He sustained her through unbelievable circumstances that you could in no way of handled, noteven one of them.
God is good.
His promises are sure.
There are an amazing amounts of incredible men and women who love each other after the manner of Christ and the Church.
Sadly, there are as many narcissistic women as there are men.
Don’t throw out all men with the bath water.
I have 5 decades of a hard fought marriage … I wouldn’t change any of it other than to have responded far more godly than I did is so many times.
Thank you, Elisabeth, for doing the impossible, enduring abuse for the sake of your God. Overall, you won! You endured and remained faithful despite all odds. You did not compromise when it would have been so easy to do so! Because you knew ultimately God would do the work that only He could and would.
I’m unsure how to respond to this. I will ignore most of it, because I’m unsure why you think you know anything about me? What I will say is, I do not believe that God demands we allow abuse in marriage to continue, and any theology that demands that of women is evil . I grieve for Elisabeth, as did her family, which Vaughn covers in her biography, by the way. Her family wanted her to leave Lars for her own safety and well being, and seeing as they knew both parties involved intimately—unlike those who only read her books, like yourself—I trust their judgment. I truly wish that Elisabeth could have understood God’s expansive love in her own life, and not only in the lives of others.
Oh, I am very well aware of the abuse having read about just as you did, and that her family knew, desiring desperately to rescue her as she returned time and again.
Leaving the impression that all men and marriages run under that banner is a misnomer.
May God bless with full knowledge of His Will, and give you spiritual wisdom and understanding… Colossians 1.
I adored EE. Now that LG has passed, I hope family members and biographers share more information on EE's later years. Not for the sake of salacious details, but to further the discussion on how healthy interpretation of scripture can turn toxic and leads to abuse of women in the church and in Christian marriages. There were so many earnest, disturbing details in Vaughn's account of EE's third marriage. LG's burning of her journals during their marriage gives me chills. Who does that?! Clearly someone who is protecting his livelihood and reputation staked on a certain industry of Christian ideology: the husband is infallible and the wife must collapse her identity and worth into his at all times. But Gren obviously exploited and commoditized her; why else would he schedule appearances well into her dementia diagnosis when she could no longer even speak? As Vaughn says, he had no contours of his own life, only hers. He profited off EE as long as she was alive. It was as simple as that.
What I'm left with is this terrible question mark and sadness. EE was always such a vigorous thinker and reader throughout her life, even remarkably progressive in her earlier years. I can't fathom that she didn't reflect on what was happening to her as her 3rd marriage progressed (perhaps in those journals Gren purged?). I wonder if she knew what was happening to her. It seems like she might have early on (per Vaughn, who wrote that 9 days into her marriage EE told friends and family she had made a mistake marrying Gren). But maybe her theology was too rigid to allow any counterpoint or alternate interpretation other than this was God's will for her. Maybe her financial insecurities and sincere desire to be a good Christian wife were too great. Maybe she hoped God would rescue her through some natural means, such as Gren's death, and if not, his authority over every detail of her life must be endured and received as from God. Maybe she even thought the financial blessings of her career were proof she was in God's will staying married to a controlling rageaholic. For whatever reasons, she chose to compress her experience into her theology, and not the other way around. And so she joined thousands of other women remaining in abusive relationships forced on by an ideology that upholds mysogyomy over human dignity.
God loves and values women. Abuse is not the victim's fault. I'm sure if EE had divorced Gren, she would have been vilified. I remember Amy Grant's divorce in the 90s and the church just did not know what to make of it. This whole discussion feels so reminiscent to me of Ravi Zacharias, where much truth of a life comes to light after death. In his case, he was the abuser whereas I see EE as more of a victim of a male dominated theology (speaking of RZ, what was *his* wife's experience in her marriage and the ideological machinery of the 90s-2000s? I wonder if she ever wanted to leave her marriage).
At the end of the day, I hope what comes of this is a better understanding of scripture. Where we uphold women's inherent value, not because of how well they submit to their husbands, but because they are equally made in the Creator's image. Am I championing divorce? No. But bending theology to accommodate horrible abuses in marriage is not a Christian value I care to subscribe to. It's a conversation that needs to be had.
"Maybe she hoped God would rescue her through some natural means, such as Gren's death, and if not, his authority over every detail of her life must be endured and received as from God." I think the sense of endurance--refinement through suffering and death to self--pervades her later writings. I feel such grief that EE suffered as she did, and that she did not accept help when her family tried to give it. I did not know that LG had died. I may reach out to the family and follow-up. Either way, I feel empathy for all involved!
Yes, he passed just last month, per her legacy site. Totally agree, endurance and refinement through suffering is pervasive in her later writings. Her model honestly got me through some very difficult seasons of my own life. And yet, her family's attempts to intervene paints a much more complex picture. I share the same sense of empathy for all.
Alisa Childers did the audio version of Through Gates of Splendour and espoused the kind of self sacrifice that Jim Elliot displays. I find it so frustrating to listen to these podcaster/speakers who uphold patriarchy by guilting Christians. It reminds me of the no-win situation of a Catholic upbringing and can be a source of misery for youth grappling to please God and be human at the same time. I have wondered how Jim Elliot’s faith would have evolved if he’d lived another 60 years. So much harm done in God’s name. Also, fun fact, the writer Patricia Cornwell was part of Elisabeth’s life. I’d love to know what happened between them.
I’m really interested in reading No Graven Image. As an MK, any account that brings into doubt what we were doing to people by forcing our religion on them is highly fascinating.
I read and then re-read Austen’s bio, and having also read both volumes of the other bio, I still feel sad about the trajectory of EE’s life and relationships. This article was a helpful shared lament.
Thank you for sharing your friend's post as well, that is helpful context too although I have not read the biographies yet. I appreciated your review and this post. Elisabeth Elliot was not my primary voice on purity culture (and I was born in 1991 so some of that is age), but I read her books and definitely had a lot of admiration for her. Her Let Me Be a Woman book was probably the biggest influence, but not as much as Vision Forum for me, so in that way I can't blame her for anything. Passion and Purity, when I finally read in my late teens, I found unsettling even then. It makes so much sense now that I have read more about their relationship. It breaks my heart that that pattern continued.
Thank you so much for writing that Revealer article! I really appreciated your perspective. Passion and Purity had an outsized influence on the ideals I held for my own life and I appreciated learning from you about the rest of Elliot’s story. Now I need to go read both biographies for myself. :-)
Good points again, and thanks again for getting the conversation started. And touché on the meek inheriting the earth!! I was thinking about it specifically in terms of "easily imposed on" fr the dictionary definition, but you're absolutely right that she was aspiring to Sermon on the Mt. meekness.
Haha—I’m ok with the disagreement personally. I just see the general trend of her life as a shrinking. 😣 Sigh. So, I suppose that’s where that meek word was coming from for me. 🤗
I read your article a few months ago, it was the first I had heard of the abuse she experienced at the hands of her third husband. I also didn't know the unsavory bits of her second husband's character. So I then read both Austen and Vaughn's biographies... the whole thing really pisses me off. As a gen x Christian woman who was raised to revere Elliot, I feel so deceived.
I hate it, too. I hate that Elliot participated in the duplicity, and I hate that the people around her WHO KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING allowed her to be abused like that. I totally agree and rage with you.
So glad this popped up in my feed! I have found much inspiration in Elliot’s story, but read some of her other books and was troubled. As a PW in a conservative but not evangelical denomination, my own marriage is closer to egalitarian, but we’ve both adopted complementarian language over the years, and I’ve been struggling to deconstruct that. I look forward to reading her novel (hooray for a move to the Bible Belt that means my library has multiple copies!) and these biographies.
Elisabeth been my spiritual mentor for 50 years and I continue to listen to her podcast before and after reading her biographies. I am a realist and have read both of Vaughn’s books with eyes wide open. I, too, was sickened by what Lars became, what he did to her, and sadly what he did to himself.
Lars was a classic narcissist. And I leave it there. It answers so very, very much.
Elisabeth loved being married and felt that he was the only option in life. This is one of the first, if not only times, that she followed her own heart and missed her own message of waiting for God’s leading.
But alas, you or I knew or know her heart. But God did. He allowed this suffering. After listening to her own words, Elisabeth knew she got herself into this mess and because of her own teaching of faithfulness and loyalty and acceptance, she stuck out the impossible honestly believing that her testimony (1 Peter 3) would win out in the long run. And it did as Lars accepted Christ as his savior after Elisabeth died.
She knew shortly after their wedding she made a mistake … she married an unsaved man. But she was tenacious in the belief of God’s promise that her chaste witness would win him … and ultimately it did.
Let us not look at this sad story for proof of feminism and that all men are of the devil. There are millions of men and women and marriages that are utterly amazing and hard fought for. 95% of all of Elisabeth’s friends had such marriages—so don’t go blaming men.
Elisabeth accomplished something you personally could not. She stuck by her God, His Word, Passion and Purity and remained faithful.
And Jesus met her with arms wide opened and rejoiced, “Well done, my good and faithful Sister.”
Now Lars will have to come into Jesus’ same presence with all the knowledge of what he did to one of Jesus’ most beloved servants.
Right now, Elisabeth has no regrets! None! Let us not judge from this side of heaven. We make very bad judges of someone else’s intentions.
Let God do His perfect work. He sustained her through unbelievable circumstances that you could in no way of handled, noteven one of them.
God is good.
His promises are sure.
There are an amazing amounts of incredible men and women who love each other after the manner of Christ and the Church.
Sadly, there are as many narcissistic women as there are men.
Don’t throw out all men with the bath water.
I have 5 decades of a hard fought marriage … I wouldn’t change any of it other than to have responded far more godly than I did is so many times.
Thank you, Elisabeth, for doing the impossible, enduring abuse for the sake of your God. Overall, you won! You endured and remained faithful despite all odds. You did not compromise when it would have been so easy to do so! Because you knew ultimately God would do the work that only He could and would.
I’m unsure how to respond to this. I will ignore most of it, because I’m unsure why you think you know anything about me? What I will say is, I do not believe that God demands we allow abuse in marriage to continue, and any theology that demands that of women is evil . I grieve for Elisabeth, as did her family, which Vaughn covers in her biography, by the way. Her family wanted her to leave Lars for her own safety and well being, and seeing as they knew both parties involved intimately—unlike those who only read her books, like yourself—I trust their judgment. I truly wish that Elisabeth could have understood God’s expansive love in her own life, and not only in the lives of others.
Oh, I am very well aware of the abuse having read about just as you did, and that her family knew, desiring desperately to rescue her as she returned time and again.
Leaving the impression that all men and marriages run under that banner is a misnomer.
May God bless with full knowledge of His Will, and give you spiritual wisdom and understanding… Colossians 1.
I adored EE. Now that LG has passed, I hope family members and biographers share more information on EE's later years. Not for the sake of salacious details, but to further the discussion on how healthy interpretation of scripture can turn toxic and leads to abuse of women in the church and in Christian marriages. There were so many earnest, disturbing details in Vaughn's account of EE's third marriage. LG's burning of her journals during their marriage gives me chills. Who does that?! Clearly someone who is protecting his livelihood and reputation staked on a certain industry of Christian ideology: the husband is infallible and the wife must collapse her identity and worth into his at all times. But Gren obviously exploited and commoditized her; why else would he schedule appearances well into her dementia diagnosis when she could no longer even speak? As Vaughn says, he had no contours of his own life, only hers. He profited off EE as long as she was alive. It was as simple as that.
What I'm left with is this terrible question mark and sadness. EE was always such a vigorous thinker and reader throughout her life, even remarkably progressive in her earlier years. I can't fathom that she didn't reflect on what was happening to her as her 3rd marriage progressed (perhaps in those journals Gren purged?). I wonder if she knew what was happening to her. It seems like she might have early on (per Vaughn, who wrote that 9 days into her marriage EE told friends and family she had made a mistake marrying Gren). But maybe her theology was too rigid to allow any counterpoint or alternate interpretation other than this was God's will for her. Maybe her financial insecurities and sincere desire to be a good Christian wife were too great. Maybe she hoped God would rescue her through some natural means, such as Gren's death, and if not, his authority over every detail of her life must be endured and received as from God. Maybe she even thought the financial blessings of her career were proof she was in God's will staying married to a controlling rageaholic. For whatever reasons, she chose to compress her experience into her theology, and not the other way around. And so she joined thousands of other women remaining in abusive relationships forced on by an ideology that upholds mysogyomy over human dignity.
God loves and values women. Abuse is not the victim's fault. I'm sure if EE had divorced Gren, she would have been vilified. I remember Amy Grant's divorce in the 90s and the church just did not know what to make of it. This whole discussion feels so reminiscent to me of Ravi Zacharias, where much truth of a life comes to light after death. In his case, he was the abuser whereas I see EE as more of a victim of a male dominated theology (speaking of RZ, what was *his* wife's experience in her marriage and the ideological machinery of the 90s-2000s? I wonder if she ever wanted to leave her marriage).
At the end of the day, I hope what comes of this is a better understanding of scripture. Where we uphold women's inherent value, not because of how well they submit to their husbands, but because they are equally made in the Creator's image. Am I championing divorce? No. But bending theology to accommodate horrible abuses in marriage is not a Christian value I care to subscribe to. It's a conversation that needs to be had.
"Maybe she hoped God would rescue her through some natural means, such as Gren's death, and if not, his authority over every detail of her life must be endured and received as from God." I think the sense of endurance--refinement through suffering and death to self--pervades her later writings. I feel such grief that EE suffered as she did, and that she did not accept help when her family tried to give it. I did not know that LG had died. I may reach out to the family and follow-up. Either way, I feel empathy for all involved!
Yes, he passed just last month, per her legacy site. Totally agree, endurance and refinement through suffering is pervasive in her later writings. Her model honestly got me through some very difficult seasons of my own life. And yet, her family's attempts to intervene paints a much more complex picture. I share the same sense of empathy for all.
So much to consider here. And it’s heartbreaking to understand she did not know her worth.
Just heartbreaking.
Alisa Childers did the audio version of Through Gates of Splendour and espoused the kind of self sacrifice that Jim Elliot displays. I find it so frustrating to listen to these podcaster/speakers who uphold patriarchy by guilting Christians. It reminds me of the no-win situation of a Catholic upbringing and can be a source of misery for youth grappling to please God and be human at the same time. I have wondered how Jim Elliot’s faith would have evolved if he’d lived another 60 years. So much harm done in God’s name. Also, fun fact, the writer Patricia Cornwell was part of Elisabeth’s life. I’d love to know what happened between them.
I also wish that Jim could've continued on with his wife! What a different story this would be.
I’m really interested in reading No Graven Image. As an MK, any account that brings into doubt what we were doing to people by forcing our religion on them is highly fascinating.
read it in seminary. Hard to find copies. I heard speak 3 times in person but none were on purity and were mixed audiences.
No Graven Image, imo, was her real story.
Agreed! I think it’ll be a fascinating read.
I read and then re-read Austen’s bio, and having also read both volumes of the other bio, I still feel sad about the trajectory of EE’s life and relationships. This article was a helpful shared lament.
I’m glad to hear that, Michele. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your friend's post as well, that is helpful context too although I have not read the biographies yet. I appreciated your review and this post. Elisabeth Elliot was not my primary voice on purity culture (and I was born in 1991 so some of that is age), but I read her books and definitely had a lot of admiration for her. Her Let Me Be a Woman book was probably the biggest influence, but not as much as Vision Forum for me, so in that way I can't blame her for anything. Passion and Purity, when I finally read in my late teens, I found unsettling even then. It makes so much sense now that I have read more about their relationship. It breaks my heart that that pattern continued.
Thank you so much for writing that Revealer article! I really appreciated your perspective. Passion and Purity had an outsized influence on the ideals I held for my own life and I appreciated learning from you about the rest of Elliot’s story. Now I need to go read both biographies for myself. :-)
You’re so welcome! I recommend you start with Lucy Austen’s bio. 😘
Good points again, and thanks again for getting the conversation started. And touché on the meek inheriting the earth!! I was thinking about it specifically in terms of "easily imposed on" fr the dictionary definition, but you're absolutely right that she was aspiring to Sermon on the Mt. meekness.
Haha—I’m ok with the disagreement personally. I just see the general trend of her life as a shrinking. 😣 Sigh. So, I suppose that’s where that meek word was coming from for me. 🤗
Yes, making herself smaller and smaller 💔