I adored EE. Now that LG has passed, I hope family members and biographers share more information on EE's later years. Not for the sake of salacious details, but to further the discussion on how healthy interpretation of scripture can turn toxic and leads to abuse of women in the church and in Christian marriages. There were so many earnest, disturbing details in Vaughn's account of EE's third marriage. LG's burning of her journals during their marriage gives me chills. Who does that?! Clearly someone who is protecting his livelihood and reputation staked on a certain industry of Christian ideology: the husband is infallible and the wife must collapse her identity and worth into his at all times. But Gren obviously exploited and commoditized her; why else would he schedule appearances well into her dementia diagnosis when she could no longer even speak? As Vaughn says, he had no contours of his own life, only hers. He profited off EE as long as she was alive. It was as simple as that.
What I'm left with is this terrible question mark and sadness. EE was always such a vigorous thinker and reader throughout her life, even remarkably progressive in her earlier years. I can't fathom that she didn't reflect on what was happening to her as her 3rd marriage progressed (perhaps in those journals Gren purged?). I wonder if she knew what was happening to her. It seems like she might have early on (per Vaughn, who wrote that 9 days into her marriage EE told friends and family she had made a mistake marrying Gren). But maybe her theology was too rigid to allow any counterpoint or alternate interpretation other than this was God's will for her. Maybe her financial insecurities and sincere desire to be a good Christian wife were too great. Maybe she hoped God would rescue her through some natural means, such as Gren's death, and if not, his authority over every detail of her life must be endured and received as from God. Maybe she even thought the financial blessings of her career were proof she was in God's will staying married to a controlling rageaholic. For whatever reasons, she chose to compress her experience into her theology, and not the other way around. And so she joined thousands of other women remaining in abusive relationships forced on by an ideology that upholds mysogyomy over human dignity.
God loves and values women. Abuse is not the victim's fault. I'm sure if EE had divorced Gren, she would have been vilified. I remember Amy Grant's divorce in the 90s and the church just did not know what to make of it. This whole discussion feels so reminiscent to me of Ravi Zacharias, where much truth of a life comes to light after death. In his case, he was the abuser whereas I see EE as more of a victim of a male dominated theology (speaking of RZ, what was *his* wife's experience in her marriage and the ideological machinery of the 90s-2000s? I wonder if she ever wanted to leave her marriage).
At the end of the day, I hope what comes of this is a better understanding of scripture. Where we uphold women's inherent value, not because of how well they submit to their husbands, but because they are equally made in the Creator's image. Am I championing divorce? No. But bending theology to accommodate horrible abuses in marriage is not a Christian value I care to subscribe to. It's a conversation that needs to be had.
"Maybe she hoped God would rescue her through some natural means, such as Gren's death, and if not, his authority over every detail of her life must be endured and received as from God." I think the sense of endurance--refinement through suffering and death to self--pervades her later writings. I feel such grief that EE suffered as she did, and that she did not accept help when her family tried to give it. I did not know that LG had died. I may reach out to the family and follow-up. Either way, I feel empathy for all involved!
Yes, he passed just last month, per her legacy site. Totally agree, endurance and refinement through suffering is pervasive in her later writings. Her model honestly got me through some very difficult seasons of my own life. And yet, her family's attempts to intervene paints a much more complex picture. I share the same sense of empathy for all.
Alisa Childers did the audio version of Through Gates of Splendour and espoused the kind of self sacrifice that Jim Elliot displays. I find it so frustrating to listen to these podcaster/speakers who uphold patriarchy by guilting Christians. It reminds me of the no-win situation of a Catholic upbringing and can be a source of misery for youth grappling to please God and be human at the same time. I have wondered how Jim Elliot’s faith would have evolved if he’d lived another 60 years. So much harm done in God’s name. Also, fun fact, the writer Patricia Cornwell was part of Elisabeth’s life. I’d love to know what happened between them.
I’m really interested in reading No Graven Image. As an MK, any account that brings into doubt what we were doing to people by forcing our religion on them is highly fascinating.
I read and then re-read Austen’s bio, and having also read both volumes of the other bio, I still feel sad about the trajectory of EE’s life and relationships. This article was a helpful shared lament.
Thank you for sharing your friend's post as well, that is helpful context too although I have not read the biographies yet. I appreciated your review and this post. Elisabeth Elliot was not my primary voice on purity culture (and I was born in 1991 so some of that is age), but I read her books and definitely had a lot of admiration for her. Her Let Me Be a Woman book was probably the biggest influence, but not as much as Vision Forum for me, so in that way I can't blame her for anything. Passion and Purity, when I finally read in my late teens, I found unsettling even then. It makes so much sense now that I have read more about their relationship. It breaks my heart that that pattern continued.
Thank you so much for writing that Revealer article! I really appreciated your perspective. Passion and Purity had an outsized influence on the ideals I held for my own life and I appreciated learning from you about the rest of Elliot’s story. Now I need to go read both biographies for myself. :-)
Good points again, and thanks again for getting the conversation started. And touché on the meek inheriting the earth!! I was thinking about it specifically in terms of "easily imposed on" fr the dictionary definition, but you're absolutely right that she was aspiring to Sermon on the Mt. meekness.
Haha—I’m ok with the disagreement personally. I just see the general trend of her life as a shrinking. 😣 Sigh. So, I suppose that’s where that meek word was coming from for me. 🤗
I adored EE. Now that LG has passed, I hope family members and biographers share more information on EE's later years. Not for the sake of salacious details, but to further the discussion on how healthy interpretation of scripture can turn toxic and leads to abuse of women in the church and in Christian marriages. There were so many earnest, disturbing details in Vaughn's account of EE's third marriage. LG's burning of her journals during their marriage gives me chills. Who does that?! Clearly someone who is protecting his livelihood and reputation staked on a certain industry of Christian ideology: the husband is infallible and the wife must collapse her identity and worth into his at all times. But Gren obviously exploited and commoditized her; why else would he schedule appearances well into her dementia diagnosis when she could no longer even speak? As Vaughn says, he had no contours of his own life, only hers. He profited off EE as long as she was alive. It was as simple as that.
What I'm left with is this terrible question mark and sadness. EE was always such a vigorous thinker and reader throughout her life, even remarkably progressive in her earlier years. I can't fathom that she didn't reflect on what was happening to her as her 3rd marriage progressed (perhaps in those journals Gren purged?). I wonder if she knew what was happening to her. It seems like she might have early on (per Vaughn, who wrote that 9 days into her marriage EE told friends and family she had made a mistake marrying Gren). But maybe her theology was too rigid to allow any counterpoint or alternate interpretation other than this was God's will for her. Maybe her financial insecurities and sincere desire to be a good Christian wife were too great. Maybe she hoped God would rescue her through some natural means, such as Gren's death, and if not, his authority over every detail of her life must be endured and received as from God. Maybe she even thought the financial blessings of her career were proof she was in God's will staying married to a controlling rageaholic. For whatever reasons, she chose to compress her experience into her theology, and not the other way around. And so she joined thousands of other women remaining in abusive relationships forced on by an ideology that upholds mysogyomy over human dignity.
God loves and values women. Abuse is not the victim's fault. I'm sure if EE had divorced Gren, she would have been vilified. I remember Amy Grant's divorce in the 90s and the church just did not know what to make of it. This whole discussion feels so reminiscent to me of Ravi Zacharias, where much truth of a life comes to light after death. In his case, he was the abuser whereas I see EE as more of a victim of a male dominated theology (speaking of RZ, what was *his* wife's experience in her marriage and the ideological machinery of the 90s-2000s? I wonder if she ever wanted to leave her marriage).
At the end of the day, I hope what comes of this is a better understanding of scripture. Where we uphold women's inherent value, not because of how well they submit to their husbands, but because they are equally made in the Creator's image. Am I championing divorce? No. But bending theology to accommodate horrible abuses in marriage is not a Christian value I care to subscribe to. It's a conversation that needs to be had.
"Maybe she hoped God would rescue her through some natural means, such as Gren's death, and if not, his authority over every detail of her life must be endured and received as from God." I think the sense of endurance--refinement through suffering and death to self--pervades her later writings. I feel such grief that EE suffered as she did, and that she did not accept help when her family tried to give it. I did not know that LG had died. I may reach out to the family and follow-up. Either way, I feel empathy for all involved!
Yes, he passed just last month, per her legacy site. Totally agree, endurance and refinement through suffering is pervasive in her later writings. Her model honestly got me through some very difficult seasons of my own life. And yet, her family's attempts to intervene paints a much more complex picture. I share the same sense of empathy for all.
So much to consider here. And it’s heartbreaking to understand she did not know her worth.
Just heartbreaking.
Alisa Childers did the audio version of Through Gates of Splendour and espoused the kind of self sacrifice that Jim Elliot displays. I find it so frustrating to listen to these podcaster/speakers who uphold patriarchy by guilting Christians. It reminds me of the no-win situation of a Catholic upbringing and can be a source of misery for youth grappling to please God and be human at the same time. I have wondered how Jim Elliot’s faith would have evolved if he’d lived another 60 years. So much harm done in God’s name. Also, fun fact, the writer Patricia Cornwell was part of Elisabeth’s life. I’d love to know what happened between them.
I also wish that Jim could've continued on with his wife! What a different story this would be.
I’m really interested in reading No Graven Image. As an MK, any account that brings into doubt what we were doing to people by forcing our religion on them is highly fascinating.
Agreed! I think it’ll be a fascinating read.
I read and then re-read Austen’s bio, and having also read both volumes of the other bio, I still feel sad about the trajectory of EE’s life and relationships. This article was a helpful shared lament.
I’m glad to hear that, Michele. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your friend's post as well, that is helpful context too although I have not read the biographies yet. I appreciated your review and this post. Elisabeth Elliot was not my primary voice on purity culture (and I was born in 1991 so some of that is age), but I read her books and definitely had a lot of admiration for her. Her Let Me Be a Woman book was probably the biggest influence, but not as much as Vision Forum for me, so in that way I can't blame her for anything. Passion and Purity, when I finally read in my late teens, I found unsettling even then. It makes so much sense now that I have read more about their relationship. It breaks my heart that that pattern continued.
Thank you so much for writing that Revealer article! I really appreciated your perspective. Passion and Purity had an outsized influence on the ideals I held for my own life and I appreciated learning from you about the rest of Elliot’s story. Now I need to go read both biographies for myself. :-)
You’re so welcome! I recommend you start with Lucy Austen’s bio. 😘
Good points again, and thanks again for getting the conversation started. And touché on the meek inheriting the earth!! I was thinking about it specifically in terms of "easily imposed on" fr the dictionary definition, but you're absolutely right that she was aspiring to Sermon on the Mt. meekness.
Haha—I’m ok with the disagreement personally. I just see the general trend of her life as a shrinking. 😣 Sigh. So, I suppose that’s where that meek word was coming from for me. 🤗
Yes, making herself smaller and smaller 💔