You have done a thoughtful deep dive into this and I appreciate it. I’m not sure if I feel cynical or wise in that I have limited expectations for humans in influencing/leadership positions. I don’t heroes, but I do want more people to listen to victims when they speak.
I have a few people that I don't follow even though they seem well-respected by people I respect because I get "danger vibes" from them. TNE has been one of them for me, but that's neither here nor there. I don't feel happy to have accurately picked up on a level of arrogance that concerned me. I feel sad for the people who've been helped by Tim and TNE, who feel betrayed yet again. As always, I feel like you captured the tension of being let down by people you've genuinely liked. And, yes, the para-social relationship is a real relationship of sorts, at least on one side. We can't dismiss that when talking about these situations.
I really appreciate you putting into words much of what I felt about this situation. I have been looking for someone else who read the report, and didn’t jump to one side or another. I felt like I couldn’t adequately thread that needle myself, but this article does. For me, the manner in which this went public felt problematic, my own trauma was triggered in ways opposite to many, and I initially felt encouraged by the Board and Tim’s response and coming back. After a couple of weeks, I have realized I need to see a faster, stronger effort to have diverse faces represent TNE’s content. In the meantime I’m hanging in barely, and mindfully engaging with more women, queer, and nonwhite voices to help me maintain my own integrity. Thank you.
I feel for you, Erin! I had a similar response like, oh good, TNE is dealing with this! Until it became clear that... they weren't. Sigh. I am grateful for your intentionality in seeking to engage nondominant voices. It TRULY matters. Hugs!
I appreciate your wisdom and nuance so much, friend. And also, I hate hate hate that you’ve received hateful, violent comments. This makes me feel crazy just reading about.
Yup. Things have gotten better since the social media companies invented the block button... but it still happens! The Internet is a WILDLY misogynistic locale.
In my husband's words (both in this case and five years ago when I lived a similar story with a friend/business partner that led to me leaving my own nonprofit), "This is ridiculous and stupid." Things don't escalate to this point when someone makes real attempts at apology and repair. I had to peace-out of the community because all this came right at the same time as my own trauma anniversary, but I do hope TNE makes it past this faithfully and are able to live up to their own expectations for integrity and leadership accountability. And I hope RV is able to heal, with or without closure.
Anyway, thank you for this. It is healing to see someone be able to hold the tension and acknowledge it's there.
Thank you for stepping up and leading in the aftermath of this controversy! Binary answers are easy and alluring and hardly ever serve anyone. We have to make space for nuance.
I don't have (m)any thoughts on this controversy -- and I know this wasn't the point of your post -- but when I read that some commenters have said that they hoped your children would get kidnapped, I felt like I was going to throw up. I'm so sorry you've experienced that. And I'm so glad you've taken measures to protect yourself and your family (and I'm so grateful that you've shared how I can take similar steps, too).
You have done a thoughtful deep dive into this and I appreciate it. I’m not sure if I feel cynical or wise in that I have limited expectations for humans in influencing/leadership positions. I don’t heroes, but I do want more people to listen to victims when they speak.
It's hard to know what to expect, right? But I agree, taking victims seriously is the least we can do.
I have a few people that I don't follow even though they seem well-respected by people I respect because I get "danger vibes" from them. TNE has been one of them for me, but that's neither here nor there. I don't feel happy to have accurately picked up on a level of arrogance that concerned me. I feel sad for the people who've been helped by Tim and TNE, who feel betrayed yet again. As always, I feel like you captured the tension of being let down by people you've genuinely liked. And, yes, the para-social relationship is a real relationship of sorts, at least on one side. We can't dismiss that when talking about these situations.
Thanks, Sherise! Trust that gut of yours. It's a good one.
I really appreciate you putting into words much of what I felt about this situation. I have been looking for someone else who read the report, and didn’t jump to one side or another. I felt like I couldn’t adequately thread that needle myself, but this article does. For me, the manner in which this went public felt problematic, my own trauma was triggered in ways opposite to many, and I initially felt encouraged by the Board and Tim’s response and coming back. After a couple of weeks, I have realized I need to see a faster, stronger effort to have diverse faces represent TNE’s content. In the meantime I’m hanging in barely, and mindfully engaging with more women, queer, and nonwhite voices to help me maintain my own integrity. Thank you.
I feel for you, Erin! I had a similar response like, oh good, TNE is dealing with this! Until it became clear that... they weren't. Sigh. I am grateful for your intentionality in seeking to engage nondominant voices. It TRULY matters. Hugs!
I appreciate your wisdom and nuance so much, friend. And also, I hate hate hate that you’ve received hateful, violent comments. This makes me feel crazy just reading about.
Yup. Things have gotten better since the social media companies invented the block button... but it still happens! The Internet is a WILDLY misogynistic locale.
In my husband's words (both in this case and five years ago when I lived a similar story with a friend/business partner that led to me leaving my own nonprofit), "This is ridiculous and stupid." Things don't escalate to this point when someone makes real attempts at apology and repair. I had to peace-out of the community because all this came right at the same time as my own trauma anniversary, but I do hope TNE makes it past this faithfully and are able to live up to their own expectations for integrity and leadership accountability. And I hope RV is able to heal, with or without closure.
Anyway, thank you for this. It is healing to see someone be able to hold the tension and acknowledge it's there.
Yes yes yes. You get it. And I'm sorry that you get it.
Thank you for stepping up and leading in the aftermath of this controversy! Binary answers are easy and alluring and hardly ever serve anyone. We have to make space for nuance.
Phew. Thanks, friend. And yes, nuance is SO HARD.
I don't have (m)any thoughts on this controversy -- and I know this wasn't the point of your post -- but when I read that some commenters have said that they hoped your children would get kidnapped, I felt like I was going to throw up. I'm so sorry you've experienced that. And I'm so glad you've taken measures to protect yourself and your family (and I'm so grateful that you've shared how I can take similar steps, too).
Thank you, friend! I did not take the threat seriously because I didn't find it credible... but yes. You're right that it's sickening!!